"For surely I am with you always,
to the very end of the age."
matthew 28:20
i love. ♥
Better Together
Monday, November 09, 2009
the LORD with me equals success
-1:48 PM fly high and free.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
WTH?!
-12:47 AM fly high and free.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
mmm, its been a long while. its been real crazy too. promos was challenging but exciting. i hope i did fine. haha.
starting to get a little bit of my life back. spent time with family and recently been blessed with two new found close relationships that i really treasure. happened because our paths cross a whole lot especially since we studied together, panicked together, lost our sanity before the papers together and went crazy after promos together. in addition we bought ridiculous glasses and had an amazing "celinedion is our idol + wii + failed attempt at jamming" sleepover. you know who you are!
to be honest though, i still harbour inhibitions about relationships. friendships. sure, life has no meaning if you have no friends. but as i go further along the journey of life i've come to realized that friendships are much more complex than it seems. started to wonder if friends are only made because our paths cross. i think the answer to that is well, obviously. so then does this mean that when your friends' paths no longer cross yours, they're no longer friends? i guess this will be a question that will never have a definite answer.
i hope with all my heart that my two new found relationships will last for a lifetime. for real.
on life, well, it is starting to look up. took a number of trips and on many occasions fell flat on my face. unpleasant and embarrassing definitely. but i recovered and realized hey awesome, i still made progress. trips and falls are definitely needed to ensure that im better than i was yesterday.
2009 is drawing to a close. (not so soon, but time passes unpredictably fast) im astonished at how many reality checks this year presented me. didnt all go the way i wanted it too and i had my disappointments. however with each disappointment was a hope that's brighter.
well this blog is pretty much redundant. hahahah yes my fault. but i want it this way. and i like posting infrequently so each post counts. this blog is pretty much for myself to read though. i gave up keeping diaries since five because firstly my mom will definitely poke her nose into it haha and blogs are awesome cos my mom doesnt know how to surf the net and my dad cant be bothered to do "mind rotting activities" such as this. secondly i learnt from a young age that diaries always go missing. so here i am. writing. it has this strange cleansing effect that always has me coming back.
ill be missing in action for a very long time. so till i see you.... i wish you love.
believing in miracles doesnt mean miracles happen.
-7:04 PM fly high and free.
Monday, June 15, 2009
crap i really miss my best friend and her signature hug.
its funny how we dont even talk but i still consider her my best friend. im really beginning to think maybe she was more important then doing well in life, doing well in general actually. i dont know what im saying.
how is it so weird that i actually loved doing everything with her. i loved fighting with her, i loved shopping with her even though i dont like shopping, i loved watching her own other people, i loved her pms moments, i loved talking about growing old and grey together and drinking coffee talking nonsense, i loved singing at the top of our lungs together with her in the shower, i loved the way she called me a noob (in a weird sort of way it was kind of comforting to know that she was still her), i loved laughing really weirdly at her jokes, i loved the way she would defend me and i loved how she would then maybe called me a retard after. i loved knowing she would own anyone who bullied me because i cant stand up for myself and she knows it and i loved playing tennis and then being laughed at for being so absolutely lousy, i loved her hugs they felt really cushiony and i wouldnt change that for the world and i do think that anyone who marries her would be blessed for the sole reason of the emotional comfort she exudes from one single hug, and i loved her straightforward "i dont care about how you think im doing it my way" attitude to life which i think i've always admired, and i loved her confidence that she possessed despite having many many people hurt her in ways she definitely did not deserve to be hurt. even when mean things were done to her by people she still held confidence in who she was, never allowing their words to change anything about her. even if she thought about them occassionally, her mantra was that she was better off without them. and i really do admire that about her.
i really loved the weirdly awesome relationship i shared with her. it was a bond that could never be replaced by anyone in the world. its funny how i embraced everything about her, something i havent done with any other friend. she's also the reason why i havent packed up and leave.
its kinda sad that she's so busy and im such a selfish consumed by school person and also anti social loner, a very different person from what i used to be indeed. its kinda sad that maybe things have changed permanently and will never be the same again. its actually sad that maybe her plans no longer include me, plans meaning plans in life in general, just like drinking coffee at the roadside or eating beef noodles at golden mile. if i had one wish i would wish that for a moment things would be how it used to be, for a day, to once again remember how it felt like having a best friend i could be anything with.
-11:12 PM fly high and free.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
today gave me a few more compelling reasons.
1) i cant identify with the crying and weeping and the moaning and groaning. some are genuine, i know. but every week crying? i doubt it? and ironically its the people who remain silent that genuinely live it out. 2) fake highs man cant create highs or flow using their own strength. 3) whats with all that pressure? seems like emphasis on performance isnt having much effect on the standard anyway. 4) how to self create synergy? its seriously impossible. 5) how to determine that stage is not being abused for performance or self attention/ praise. maybe its for your own glory, have you thought of that. 6) who am i playing for? you or? it is an issue i seriously struggled with today.
but at the same time i know it was a divine plan to set me up for blessings.
1) i was blessed by a hug i havent received one from her for a long time, man, felt gooood. i really miss the signature hug. lol. 2) i saw the silent care and love maybe that renewed a little bit of my trust in brotherly love, huh. 3) i received a genuine nice note from someone first time in my life. speechless, lost for words, and honestly very touched. 4) i was invisible to some people before, today was the first time words from these people were spoken to me. i thank God really.
i guess God can use awful things to set us up for blessings huh.
-9:53 PM fly high and free.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
we have all these dreams and plans; an oasis of great opportunities just waiting for us to behold. we have each other to hold till forever and all the future in the world we'll someday know. the beauty of the world is beckoning, all we have to do is catch the wind and run into its open arms. life is full of remarkable maybes, unexpected twists and turns; but when i have you and you have me, we can do anything.
-6:41 PM fly high and free.
Monday, June 08, 2009
maybe life neednt be that systematic after all. maybe i neednt have bought into the lie of success and achievement.
i watched night in the museum 2 yesterday. maybe my answer on finding happiness was put on hold because i had too many calls to pick up.
Larry Daley: You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love with the people you love. Teddy Roosevelt: I was going to say diet and exercise, but the love thing is good.
i finally got my answer.
-7:06 PM fly high and free.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
it was always about her.
-12:58 AM fly high and free.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
so thats it, isnt it. im not worth the time, not worth the glance, not another look, or a simple reply. i have just been frigging faked out and rejected all at the same time. so all the time i was living a stupid lie.
